Moving on from Young, Restless, and Reformed

I recently turned 23 a few weeks ago. A small milestone, and really not all that important a year or an age. But with a new year brings a new season of personal change.

Starting at a new school, getting deeper in my job, and closing an era of my life after four years of service has put me in a state of contemplation and reflection on my life the past few years and the life that is now before me. Things that I wish to change, things that I want to stay the same, and things that I want to see come about (i.e. marriage) run through my mind and, given where God has placed me in the present time, are examined. Undoubtedly, this means that my theology about God comes under a similar scrutiny, and over the past few months a conviction has arisen that I felt the need to write about: I am ready to move on from the Young, Restless, and Reformed movement. 

It’s not that I think the Young, Restless, and Reformed movement has been a negative time of my life from me. Far from it, in fact; I have been blessed by it in numerous ways, and I have seen others blessed as well. It’s also not to say that I think ill of the movement; no movement within Christiandom has been free of mistakes or blemishes, and only the naive think that the YRR movement doesn’t have its shortcomings. Intellectual and personal immaturity is a common charge against the movement and I have (and will be) guilty of both. But just as one realizes that it’s time to begin swimming in the deep end, I have realized that, theologically, its time I grow up and move beyond TULIP, Piper, and all the other staples of this movement that I have identified myself with for the past few years. 

Swimming in the deep end is a scary thing. If you’ve not done it before, you undoubtedly realize you need help. Once I realized that there was more to my faith than TULIP and wearing the Calvinist badge - that the Reformed belief system goes much deeper and spans a larger horizon - the once-confident-that-he-knows-everything Calvinist realized that he is a guppy in an aquarium of sharks. Mostly nice sharks - but still sharks that can swallow you in one bite. 

So I dive into the aquarium of the confessions, of the creeds, of the history of the church, of paedobaptism and credobaptism (of which I presently hold the latter), of understanding the covenants, of many other things that I presently had not considered, and my mouth is silenced. I am not the expert in this area I once claimed to be. If anything I know nothing at all. Wrestling with the Westminster Confession of Faith, reading through Michael Horton’s “The Christian Faith” (which I cannot recommend enough), and struggling through Calvin’s Institutes with my church family has been one heck of a smack in the face of humility. Not that I have become pride-less, as my flesh would be happy to bring that out in me, but any confidence of theological boasting I once had isn’t quite what it used to be. 

I realize that, demographically and practically, I am still a member of the Young, Restless and Reformed movement. Whether or not others identify me with it is irrelevant to me. There is still  plenty of good hearted joking, rimshots and facepalming to be had (those darn "predestinated" jokes never get old or good). But, as far as my conscious before Christ is concerned, I am willing to re-enter the cage - albeit a much different cage from my Calvinist cage days - to submit myself to learning and listening, knowing that for every day I learn something new that there is a whole year of potential learning, falling, failing, and rising to be had. And not just learning for the sake of my own personal gain, but learning for the sake of blessing and benefitting others, sheathing the sword of debate only to draw it more infrequently than before. The old is gone; behold, the new slowly cometh.

Beach Reach 2014: Disappointment and Resting in the Bigger Picture

A row of short people + one tall guy

I would like to be able to write a post saying how I had a great time at Beach Reach and I walked away from it with no regrets and fully satisfied with how the week went.

But I can't. 

If I were honest, when I stepped off the van at the WT BSM yesterday, I was stepping off with a heavy weight of disappointment.

It's not that the week was bad for me - far from it, actually. I got to share the Gospel with a lot of people. I had the best Midnight Breakfast night of my three years. I got to spend time outside my comfort zone on the beach. I was part of an awesome team. All things considered, it really was an good week. 

Why then was I disappointed? Simple: Beach Reach was underwhelming this year. Compared to the first two years (especially last year), this year was an absolute cakewalk. 

Beach Reach, in my mind, didn't really begin until Thursday. The days prior had been wrecked by  unpleasant weather - the sun did not come out until Tuesday afternoon, and Wednesday was so windy it made Amarillo look tame. We didn't have to clean the beach on Tuesday because nobody had been on the beach and so there was nothing to clean up! But even with the weather complications, it gets very frustrating to hear friend after friend after friend tell stories of long conversations with atheists/agnostic/skeptics/universalists/ect and not think "why is everyone else getting all the exciting conversations?!" It's annoying to have to hear story after story of exceptional and exciting conversations and have nothing to share other than the general "yeah, we picked up a lot of people and the conversations went great."

All this to say: I was disappointed because the trip didn't go the way I wanted it to.

I wrote before the trip began how I wasn't ready or prepared for the trip, spiritually/mentally/physically. I made that remark thinking that I wasn't ready in terms of health, or spiritual strength, or getting into that missional mindset, but it seems that I was missing one major ingredient of preparation: surrender. Surrender to God to let the trip flow how He wished it, surrender to God my expectations and standards to evaluate the trip by, surrender to be used however He wished me to be used regardless if it was how I personally wished to be used. It wasn't until I was riding on the van back home that I realized that I had carried a heavy baggage of expectation that was crafted based off my personal desires (all inspired by the nearly flawless Beach Reach 2013), and that by living the week out with that unconscious expectation, satisfaction and joy has thus eluded me - at least, it will stay away from me if I continue to see the trip through the lens of me.

The question that God is pressing into my mind as a result of Beach Reach is a question of grounding joy. Will I ground my joy (or lack thereof) in *my* trip, *my* conversations, *my* work, or will I ground my joy in the fact that 104 people were raised from death to life through the proclamation of the Gospel in Satan's backyard? Will I focus on *my* life, *my* experience, *my* story, or will I rejoice in the fact that people were saved from eternal separation as a result of our collective ministry? 

The struggle at the moment is dying to my personal disappointment and resting in the bigger picture. I'm still wrestling through it at the time of this post, but then again, I'm also exhausted. Hopefully, as the post Beach Reach season begins, this joy will become solidified in my heart and will lead to an outpour of the Gospel in every area of my life in the real world.

/end Beach Reach 2014

Beach Reach 2014 (Fifth Update)

(Note: During the week, updates will be posted in reverse chronological order, starting with the newest updates on top).

Update #5: Day 6, 10:30ish

Sorry for no update on Day 5 - that day was just busy from start to finish.

Brief recap on Louie's Midnight Breakfast: it was outstanding! It was hands down the best Louie's night of my Beach Reach history thus far, and it could take quite a bit to beat it. I was on the vans the whole night (meaning four hours of practically nonstop rides) and of the 16 rides we had, I can say that only two or three of the rides were marked by over intoxicated and out of control partiers. Everyone else was sober or reasonably sober and I had several great conversations - one of which where I got to utilize my apologetics training to help a backsliding brother to reconsider his faith! After having two days of Beach Reach Lite, it felt so good to finally jump into the real deal.

Yesterday afternoon a group of us went to the beach to talk with people around the sand sculpture. Truth be told, that was my least favorite part of the trip so far. It was unbelievably windy - so windy Amarillo would be jealous - so hearing people and talking to them were difficult. Second, while there were definitely conversations that took place, they were few and far between compared to the breakfasts and van rides. Most people were too busy drinking/dancing/flashing/ect to know we were even there, much less willing to stick around long enough to have a Gospel chat. I'm not gonna lie, I wish I had been on the vans (though I was told that not much happened there either).

Buddy's sermon last night rocked me extremely hard. Ever since the end of Panfork III, I have felt aimless and directionless with where I am going in life and what I am going to do with it. Buddy's sermon on Romans 15:18-21 showed me that the reason why I have felt aimless and directionless is because I have lost my ambition for the Gospel. Without the daily drive to make Christ known and minister to those who need to know Him, I have been feeling the despair of the never-ending college career, the well paying 8-6 M-F job, and, well, the despair of the daily grind in general. How I lost that ambition, I don't know, but at least I know now that it's not there and I can focus on getting it back: thankfully, the evening was only beginning.

This morning was the last morning for us to stay up at ungodly hours of the night - we sign off at midnight, and truth be told I have extremely mixed feelings about it. Last night/this morning was a great  shift all around. My van ride conversations were awesome. None of them were outstanding or spectacular, but I was able to proclaim the Gospel both in conversations and when it came time to pray. When it came time to hit the prayer room, reports were pouring in of great conversations all night long. The usual Wednesday harvest wasn't there (usually Wednesday and Thursday are the days were the salvations usually pour in), but then again, this has been an extremely unusual Beach Reach to begin with, so at least the unusualness is consistent.

We are about to go eat lunch, give our rides for an hour or so, and then head to the beach to baptize disciples in the (freezing cold) ocean. Baptism time is definitely a major highlight of the trip - baptizing Beach Reachers who have never been baptized, and baptizing Spring Breakers who have become our brothers and sisters in Christ. We will also have worship on the beach in the evening, and immediately after that's over, we begin our final shift - and if tradition holds true, it will be the climatic final struggle that will leave lasting memories for years to come.

Update #4: Day 4, 21:00ish

"As the battle rages on and on
I face the things that put my faith to the test
When fallen angels won't leave me alone
Father, come and lay the demon to rest
When my sword has broken off in my hand
I see the dark futility of the flesh
When I'm about to fall, please help me stand
Father, come and lay the demon to rest"

- Theocracy, Laying the Demon to Rest

The newbies of this year have it lucky - this has been, so far, Little League Beach Reach. The weather has severely dampened the island population, meaning that the rides have been fewer and the situations less intense. 

But for us tonight, this is where the fun really begins. 

In less than an hour we begin our shift of the Midnight Breakfast at Louies. For those of you who know what I'm talking about, you already know how/what to pray. For those who don't…this is hands down the most chaotic night of the week. It's a massive operation. We will be talking with people as they come out of the club (usually extremely intoxicated) and taking them from there to where they are staying. It's pure war - but in a good way.

I feel great. I am on fire and ready to get the night underway, but I am totally nervous. Please pray that the Spirit would work through me to be able to to share Jesus and have good conversations in the midst of the madness and insanity. I don't do well around groups, drunk people, and especially groups of drunk people, so pray that God would override my weaknesses and that tonight would rock.

Update #3: Day 3 and 4, 3:30ish

Just got done with my first night and my first van ride shift. Gosh it was rough. I found myself in one of the most difficult positions I've ever been in on a van - and on one of the first rides!

We picked up a group from Louie's, and I am the only guy on my van (sans the driver). Three of the four guys that get on are drunk, but composed and polite. The fourth guy had to be a Top 5 Most Drunk Guys for me - the only rational sentence I got out of him was "Take your good news and shove it up your ass!" Soon the guy started to hope the rows and sit with the girls. He made it to the Door Mama row, and our driver (a powerful man of God) sat him back down and shut him up, but he tried getting physical with our girls. Soon I had no choice but to grip my knife and be prepared to spring it should he try to do something. He soon got off, and that was the end of it, but my gosh that seriously rattled me. God definitely wanted to throw me into the cold swimming pool for the van rides.

The rest of the night went alright. Tomorrow we have pancake breakfasts and hotline rides. The weather is supposed to change tomorrow afternoon so hopefully the activity will pick up.

Update #2: Day 2, 22:00ish

It has now become a tradition: fresh, grilled, shrimp fajitas from Pirates Landing. Three years, three plates, three food-coma naps. Lunch was a great time for the AC students to congregate and each lunch as a school, as we usually don't see each other much as the week goes on. A lot can happen in a year: the table we sat at was the same table we sat at last year, only with a different director and a new set of faces. A radically different AC in such a short time.

One nap later, we went back to Port Isabel for the first dinner with the ENTIRE Beach Reach Army. Not just AC, not just WTAMU - *all* the schools. There's quite a group this year! I reconnected with several acquaintances from across the state and from other schools, as well as with Jenny, the previous director of the AC BSM. Right off the bat we begin to give each other a hard time - just like old times. I dearly miss seeing her, but I was overjoyed to finally meet some of her new students and know that we share the common bond of Jenny Cummings, a whiny Californian hard working servant of the Lord.

The night of community prayer is always a great time to shove the introvert side of you into the closet and let your pet extrovert out for a few hours. Tasked with meeting and praying with new people for roughly two hours is a safe warm up (of sorts) for the ministry of the next week. Humbling yourself together with brothers and sisters and bringing your requests before the Lord is one of the most beautiful things about the body of Christ. Part of our Gospel witness is our unity during the week -we are all here for the same thing, and the island knows that. We are not divided in our task - when we our, the message suffers.

This is the only night of normal sleep we will get on the island. We have church in the morning and then we begin canvasing the island with hotline information. By this time tomorrow night, I will either be in the prayer room or on the van sharing Christ. Either option sounds fine with me. /end update 2

Update #1: Day 2, 9:45ish

There is no update for Day 1, largely because the first day of the trip is a trip of nothing but travel. We left Canyon around 7:00 and arrived at our overnight condo at around 10:30, finishing with an average travel time of 15.5 hours. I still felt like crap, so I tried (mostly in vain) to get some sleep, but my sleep was less than restful. I tried to read Greg Koukl's Tactics - as is my custom for the ride down - but was not able to. There was plenty of classic rock and comedy to be found on my van, as well as a disproportionate amount of testosterone and nerdiness.

After a good night's sleep (something I have not had in days), we woke up to an overcast day with the Gulf of Mexico roaring at our back door. I woke up with enough time to get some Word study in, but then again, there is something to be said for taking some time to enjoy God's creation. The warm breeze, the sound of birds chirping, the chorus of crashing waves set against a cloudy backdrop - there will be plenty of opportunities to study the Word. At the moment, the holy thing to do was to observe and enjoy a sight that I only get to see once a year.

We are now in the process of showering and preparing for a glorious feast at a restaurant of Beach Reach fame: Pirate's Landing. All you seafood lovers, be jealous. /end update 1

Countdown to Padre: The Evening Before (*Cough*)

*cough hack cough*

I don't think it's settled into my soul that in 12 hours I will be on a van heading to South Padre Island. When the alarms go off at 5 AM, then it will probably hit me, but for now, I know something is coming tomorrow - but the implications do not burden me.

*cough*

Right now I feel awful. Turns out I have a mild (?) case of bronchitis. It didn't help that I worked a full day and helped load a massive truck a few hours ago - if I could call in sick for this trip, I probably would out of concern for my progressing illness.

But I can't. Know why? Because BEACH REACH.

This is the trip I look forward to every year. This is the trip where I come alive. This is the trip where the Gospel flows freely out of my mouth. This is the trip where I grow closer to my brothers and sisters in Christ through fierce battle. This is the trip where the weight of being set apart and being adopted into the family of God becomes heartbreakingly obvious. This is the trip where the warfare of two kingdoms clashing is deafening and overwhelming. This is the trip where the shouts of victory are sweet with the tears of faithful labor.

This is the trip. *cough* And it begins tomorrow at 7:00 AM CST.

Follow me on @aalblogaustin for live updates and prayer requests. Check back here daily for detailed updates. You may not be coming with me, but I intend to share as much of my experience as I can with you.

*cough* I am going to bed now. Until tomorrow morning.

Countdown to Padre: 3 Days (Being Drunk is Fun!)

Don't worry, I've never been drunk. Heck, I've never even had a sip of alcohol in my life (yet).

But every Beach Reach season, I look forward to getting drunk.

Pretend drunk, of course. The last training of Beach Reach season is always the night where people who would otherwise never dream of putting a drop of alcohol in their bodies somehow become gleefully eager to act like they've done a keg stand. Myself included. Simulation night is always a thrilling night - not only do you get to put a month's worth of training into practice, but you get to act like a drunk/high/stoned/ect fool and get away with it! Or, in my case, you can act like a drunk Irish/Scottish/Yiddish New Atheist and have all sorts of fun trolling your friends on your least favorite arguments and subjects.

By God's grace, all of us are paid for. We are short one van, but getting the final ride won't be too hard.  The evangelism training is complete - now we begin the logistical olympics of gathering luggage, supplies, equipment, a sound system, and more. Please pray that we maintain our cool and Christlike love in the midst of executing a mobilization of a unit of special forces to our island headquarters and coordinate the arrival of other special forces units.

Today was a normal day of work, albeit one with an increasing case of chest congestion and a rather deep, painful cough. Whether or not this gets worse remains to be seen, but I would prefer to go the island physically healthy - if I have to go under the weather, so be it. For now, there is a men's Bible study, and a very special Wednesday. 

Countdown to Padre: 4 Days (Screw-Ups and Spiritual Warfare)

(Unlike last year, where all of my Beach Reach writings were on Another Ascending Lark, I will be doing all of my Beach Reach posting/updating here.)

I am quite sick and tired of snow.

Around 5:30 AM, as I limped out the door of my Canyon apartment, a bitter breeze slapped me in the face. Sluggishly I rounded the corner to where my car was parked and found it totally iced up. I turn the car on, grab the scraper out of my back seat, and begin de-icing my ride. Several minutes later, the car is drivable, but I am not. Early mornings and frigid temperatures do wicked things to the body - needless to say, it wasn't until I neared Amarillo city limits before I could move my fingers again. 

I arrive at the FM90 station for my morning shift just in time to turn the transmitter on and fire off the legal ID. Normally, by the time I fire the sign on ID, I have already checked the weather, the setlist, everything, but today I fire it with seconds to spare and nothing prepared. What then followed for the next three hours was probably the worst day on the air I've had - by the time my replacement showed up, my palm was still planted on my face for absolutely butchering my news piece just minutes prior.

Now it's close to 9:30, and I have another hour to wait before class starts (where I will undoubtedly get asked "dude, what happened today?" by my classmates and professor). Despite my Sabbath rest yesterday, I am already exhausted. The cold morning, the bad day at the radio, and another freezing bug-slaying afternoon are putting me in a less-than-stellar condition, physically and mentally.

This all before the fact that we leave for Beach Reach in four days. I haven't even gotten there yet.

I still have shopping (and packing) I need to get done for the trip. Friday aside, my normal schedule is still in place, meaning early mornings, long days, and packed evenings. Even though this is my third Beach Reach, and I know the system in and out, I feel completely unprepared to go. I am horribly out of shape as an apologist (thank goodness we have an 15+ hour drive before us), I am starting the week off on fumes, and I am doubting my ability to do the work the Lord has called me to do.

Hopefully you caught that possessive pronoun before the word "ability". It's the wrong pronoun. Heck, its the wrong phrase.

One does not simply go down to Beach Reach in order to show off their evangelistic/apologetic/missional muscles. At least, nobody usually makes past a day or two of ministry before reaching their tipping point of their own strength. I fight feel like a screw up at the moment, subjected to the jeers and taunts of spiritual warfare, but perhaps that's not a bad thing. Rather than being confident in my fleshly abilities as a think tank, experienced apologist, and Beach Reach veteran, I have no choice but to turn to Christ and rest in Him. Not only that, I have no choice but to worship him for the fact that He is the one who equips me for the work He has called me to do.

I will have what I need. It may not be what I *want*, but it will be what I need to make Christ famous.

/end pre-update 1

What Is The Biggest Obstacle To The Apologetics Movement?

Image credit:
 www.genwhymovement.com

Right now is a great time to be an apologist. We are living in a period of time where apologetics is booming, both in academic and everyday life. It's never been easier to get your hands on material that can strengthen your faith and empower your evangelism, and the time to utilize these resources has never been more urgent. With the rise of the current missions movement abroad, religious persecution in the Middle East, and increasing secularization in America and Europe, being equipped to give a defense of the Gospel wherever it is challenged is no longer optional; it is required if you are to be a witness in today's world.

Every movement has it's obstacles to overcome, and the apologetics movement is no different. Right now we are living in what one apologist has described as "the anti-intellectual age of the church", and we are seeing the fruit of this anti-intellectualism wreck havoc on churches and Christians, many whom end up leaving the church when they arrive at college. Another consequence of this anti-intellectualism is the rise of apathy - Christians just do not seem to care about defending their faith or developing a solid worldview. 

I've been pondering what the biggest hindrance to this movement is. Is it the problem of the anti-intellectual church? Is it the apathetic indifference of the average Christian? Is it the lack of funding, or publicity, or accessibility? What is holding this movement back from accelerating a full speed? 

My personal opinion: apologists are the biggest hindrance of the apologetics movement. 

Hear me out: I don't believe apologists *in of themselves* are the biggest hindrance. Obviously the work of diligent apologists, both professional and layperson, has born much fruit already! I also don't believe that the problems listed about aren't considerable challenges for us to face; indeed, they are tall, looming obstacles to overcome. When I say that apologists are the biggest hindrances, I am talking about a specific type of apologist: the unloving apologist. 

The problem with the unloving apologist is that they are everywhere. They may not have the audience of William Lane Craig or Lee Strobel, yet they have a bigger influence in the lives of their congregation than the heavyweights do. They may not travel the nation on speaking tours at sold out college lecture halls, yet collectively they can impact numerous churches every week. The problem is not that they have tense moments or occasionally lose their cool; we have all had encounters where we failed to love others. The problem is that these apologists routinely show a lack of love for others; they are unloving people in general. They are not what Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13: "4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…" (1 Cor 13:4-5 ESV). 

The main thrust of 1 Cor 13 is that love makes or breaks us. Without love, all of our efforts, publishing, researching, debating, evangelizing, studying, sharing - it all goes down the drain (vv 2-3). It doesn't take a moral failing of a big-name apologist to turn off the Church from taking apologetics seriously - all it takes is hundreds of average Joe apologists in congregations across the country who are rude, disrespectful, arrogant, and condescending to convince Christians that apologetics isn't worth it. 

There are Christians who won't consider apologetics even if their fellow apologist gives the shirt off their back and sells their house for the Kingdom. That problem is on their heads. However, where we see an apologist live without the love of Christ, we must admonish them to show love rather than winning every argument at any cost. If that apologist is ourselves - if we are the ones who are not living a life of love - then we must repent immediately and drink deeply of the sacrificial love of Christ. We should keep in mind, as apologist Jim Spiegel wrote, "When it comes to proving religious truth, an ounce of love is worth a ton of argument." (1)  

---------------------------------------------- 

1: Spiegel, James (2010-01-21). The Making of an Atheist: How Immorality Leads to Unbelief (Kindle Location 1191). Moody Publishers. Kindle Edition.

An Intentionally Provocative Question on the Bible and "Jesus Calling"

I was thinking about this the other night, and it's bothered me to the point that I should write something rather unrefined/unpolished on it.

In America we have a plethora of Bibles of many different translations, in many different sizes, and in many different specialties and customizations. On my desk I have a hardcopy of the ESV Study Bible, the Apologetics Study Bible for Students, and a plain text HSCB and ESV. If I factor in all the Bibles I have through my Logos software, I easily own 50 different Bibles (irrelevant is the fact that maybe a third of those are in languages I can't read.) If I factor in the Bibles owned by my three theology junkie roommates…you get the point.

There are countries and places in the world where owning a Bible is punishable by death (see North Korea or most of the Middle East), or literacy is so low that even if you have one you can't read it even if you tried. Voice of the Martyrs has a ministry called Bibles Unbound where the sole point is to get Bibles into the hands of Christians in places where it's pretty freaking hard to do so safely and effectively. Whereas I have brothers and sisters in Christ who would risk their lives to get a basic copy of the Word of God in their own language, I have copies of Bibles that are gathering dust from their non-use.

And then there's Jesus Calling.

There's been plenty of cyberink spilled on the theological BS of the book, it's blasphemous premise, its pathetic, powerless, spineless, 21st century Americanized carved-by-the-hands-of-man "Jesus" problems of the book: the White Horse Inn Blog, Reformation21 Blog, and Tim Challies have written solid critiques of the devotional. If you haven't read these insights, you should. If what they have to say scares you/concerns you/motivates you to hold a book burning party, good. If you feel convicted that you should get rid of the book learn to study the Word, praise the Lord!

This is my question: how many Christians in America, if given the choice between owning a Bible and owning a copy of Jesus Calling, would choose the latter over the former?

I have a feeling that if you asked that question to brothers and sisters who have been longing for their own copy of the Bible that they wouldn't even acknowledge the existence of the second option. The Bible would be enough. Why is it not the enough for us?

Why is it not enough for me?